In 2007 few days before my birthday, I started blogging as witsandnuts. Guess what? I started another blog few days ago. I write random thoughts there. I write as if no one else is reading it (although entries are not password-protected). So don’t ask for any URL. Find it if you can. I’m sure you wouldn’t. 😀 I’d like to share this entry from there, by the way.
ON TURNING 30
I still find it weird when people gets horrified to turn 30.
When a friend turned 30 last year, she sent me a (multiple times) forwarded email justifying why a woman should be glad when she’s finally of that age. I thought it sounded like sourgraping. I cared less. After all, I’m only 29.
Then recently she happily emailed me to let me know that she’s glad that we’ll soon be of the same age. Duh. 😀 I corrected it’s not fair to conclude that way. We have different audit cut-offs and/or fiscal year (we’re both Accountants/Auditors, by the way). “I’m turning 30 in a few hours while you’re going 31 this October. We’re of the same fiscal year only if you’ve just turned 30 last May or June.” Of course, we were just teasing each other. I conceded, “Okay, we’re of the same age. Whatever. Just to make you happy. Hahaha.”
I don’t mind getting old, that is. As I remember, I am (was) in a hurry to get old or at least I want to start early. It’s not really tantamount to being impatient about life, but wanting to know what’s next even if it sometimes takes trailing the road less traveled.
On rare occasions, I thought I have an abnormal sequencing. No one amongst my family and relatives can testify that I actually crawled as a baby. Even the baby pictures surrendered. The best of their memories announce that I skipped the crawling stage and just found me already sitting one day. I was moving backwards while Indian seated, will that qualify as crawling? Then I skipped kindergarten, I was five when I was in first grade. I was 19 during the first semester in college. Hence my batchmates are older than me. I prefer to eat after brushing my teeth, the list goes on.
When I was 11 and still playing piko, I wanted to be 13 so that I would know what this teen feeling is all about. When I was 14, I had my first crush (now married) who I eventually found out was everyone’s apple of the eye so I kept it to myself, I was not ready to compete. 🙂 During our highschool reunion in 2006, I learned that my turned gay-friend and I were crushing on the same person. Hahaha. When I was turning 18, I wanted to skip it and jump to being 19. Why? Because I thought 18 is mushy (joke!) that I never had a party as a debutante thinking it’s just a phase that I better spend battling my midterms. I wanted to be 19 already because that would mean I would be graduating soon, take the board exams and can finally have a boyfriend (LOL!). Seriously, I was so excited to join the workforce and change the world. Hahaha.
When my batchmates turned 20, some of them were so jealous that I’m still within the teen bracket (Aha! That must be the same feeling for the 29 to 30 transition.) At 20, the younger ones were teasing me that I’m already old. I felt otherwise. I actually felt the youngest. The youngest one at work, trying to prove herself, explore the world, etc.
Fastforward. At 25, I begun to appreciate the coined term ” quarter-life crisis”, not necessarily because I seriously went through it. Then eventually learned that everyone swims through it, that it will embrace a person regardless of age bracket, and that it’s vicious. I also realized that the younger generations are becoming more respectful. A lot of people including strangers started to call me “Ate” although we’re not related and “Madam” (ack!), punctuated by “po” and “opo”. Until I spent time with my younger cousins who no longer have pony tails but sided and full bangs, no longer chat about dolls and cartoons, but giggle about and even asked me about boys and consulted me on what they intend to do when they join the workforce. Totoo nga, tumatanda na’ko.
At 26, something happened that made me realize that I’ve indeed walked on the road less traveled. I was certain, my mind became (twice) older than my biological age. And the way I see it now, it seems I’ve stopped counting since then. I begun to live each day as it comes. I’m not saying that at pre-26, life was not better or less beautiful. It’s just that it’s (always) more sane to… trust God’s time. Rather than thinking that we know better and that we’re invincible. But trust me, I have no room for big regrets. But since I’m human not so often, I had my what ifs and let’s go back to year XXXX moments.
It’s odd and magical how for the longest time, I know that a lot of changes have been transpiring every hour, but at the end of the day I still feel the same. People choose to be on the state of maturity that they think is their comfort zone. That’s why you’d see people you’d never thought are already grandmothers. So, I know that when my parents look at me or at a memory of me – what they see is the same chubby child who didn’t crawl. Do you know why they opt to retain that memory? Because that is probably the first magnanimous feeling parents can have – witnessing the birth and development of their first born.
When I organized our high school reunion in 2006, I thought I wouldn’t be comfortable to mingle with some people. Admit it, you’ll be subdued by this thought when the situation happens. But when the day came, upon seeing each batchmate only random beautiful over not-so-good stuff popped up in my mind. Why? Because I chose to dwell on the more sane feeling. As we did catch up on plenty of chapters that were written about each other’s lives, we didn’t see the physically-transformed-by-time faces, but the innocent and jovial high schools students that we were then.
I’m turning 30 few hours from now. (And I don’t intend to repeat my biological/Earth age in my coming birthdays. So take note, pals.) Honestly, the superficial look of “30” as two digits is really screaming. But I still don’t care. That’s just a number. I think to age gracefully is exciting and challenging. I’m not afraid about each additional year, but I’m scared of being worried itself. Heehee. My biggest worry is how to live longer. Because life is beautiful. I’m sure I’d still say the same when I’m already 50.
So after midnight, I’m already 30. I’d probably say, “When I was younger 30 was OLD, now I feel 30 is young. Seize the day.”
Note: This post has been edited at early morning of July 17. I already took out the collage. It’s intended to be visible only for a very limited time. 😀