In yesterday’s issue of New York Times, a summary of the points to consider before the marriage was featured by a known op-ed columnist. These points are shared by Father Pat Connor, a 79-year old Catholic priest born in Australia. For 40 years, he has been giving a lecture — “Whom Not to Marry” — to high school seniors, mostly girls because they’re more interested.
It’s important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late. Infatuation trumps judgment.
Interesting points/questions shared to the high school teeners. It’s a cool generation, ey?
(a) Never marry a man who has no friends. This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.
(b) Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy?
(c) Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings?
(d) Does he have a sense of humor? More marriages are killed by silence than by violence. The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.
(e) Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.
(f) Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women.
(g) Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?
After the talk, the girls claimed, “But you’ve eliminated everyone! Life is unfair.”
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0 thoughts on “Whom not to marry”
Vea
I like it. Very helpful. Something i’d find useful in a few years time. =)
Veas last blog post..The Camden’s Prodigal Daughter
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toni
Good criteria. I’ll add an (h) – someone who shares your same values!
tonis last blog post..Because all men are little boys
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Rico
I think I did great choosing the wife. She’s been great, awesome, and wonderful. And beautiful! (Now that will give me some great lovin tonight!)
Ricos last blog post..lift me up
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ReD
hmmm… how about men? is there anything saying who not to marry… or what kind of women to marry? hehehe
and does this mean a life of no love for these kind of men? just curious… hehehe
ReDs last blog post..Penang Hill
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kayni
just recently broke up with a man-child, and i do agree with all the criteria. women should really choose wisely.
kaynis last blog post..Texas and Bhutan in DC
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witsandnuts
@Vea: Thanks for dropping by. Hmm, very useful in a few years time. Do I hear wedding bells from there? 🙂
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witsandnuts
@Toni: I agree, it’s important that you share the same values + the same level of faith.
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witsandnuts
@Rico: Lucky you! And she must be lucky also because you have an eye (and heart) in catching a real gem. 🙂
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witsandnuts
@Jared: I think these ‘pointers’ in general are applicable for men and women. I think love still is on the way for these kind of men, just that if only the other person will not be blinded by too much love and will be rational, those mentioned above are ‘sort of not the marrying type’. Well, it’s case to case, others do take the risk if it’s worth it.
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witsandnuts
@Kayni: Aaw, a man-child. You definitely deserve someone better. A true man, maybe childlike but no-no to a childish one. 😉
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Vea
Haha. I wish!!! It’ll take so long pa since DJ has to fiish med school and the whole nine yards.
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Nica
HAHA! That made me laugh. I dont know why. I cant even relate. Might be useful one day!
Nicas last blog post..OHMYGEHD
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witsandnuts
@Vea: The best things come to those who wait. Stay happy!
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witsandnuts
@Nica: These points are tested through time. Oh well, these were actually shared by Father Connor to high school students. Enjoy college life!
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iyah
yay…i’m going through that “getting-to-know-him” process right now and i have good answers to all the criteria questions so far…:)
iyahs last blog post..random shots 🙂
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witsandnuts
Yay!
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Jo Ann
another tip I got is “marry a man/woman that you want your child to be like when he grows up”. if he/she is not the type of person you want your child to be, then better think now…
Jo Anns last blog post..What Your Preschooler Really Needs
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witsandnuts
Hi Jo Ann, that’s a good point. No one should take the risk of being with someone whom he/she doesn’t want to be the reflection of their offspring. The parenting would be a big problem for someone who can’t live by setting a good example. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
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reena
nalungkot naman ako sa post na to. haha.
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renin
I’ll have this post printed—I may need to refer to this in the future… ^_^
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